Want to get over that awful argument?

Simply forgive and forget – it’s better for your health
by Sarah Jordan

You’ve yelled, screamed, sworn and stomped around but now the argument is over and it’s time to move on. Here are five ways to forgive and forget and one VERY good reason why you should....

New research from the University of California, San Diego, has revealed that people who stay calm and forgive their loved-ones after an argument are less likely to suffer serious spikes in blood pressure.

They asked over 200 volunteers to pick a moment in their lives when a friend or partner had deeply offended them. They then asked half the volunteers to think about how it had angered them and the other half to ponder the incident in a moreforgiving way.

The participants were then distracted for five minutes before being asked to consider the sameargument again in any way they liked. Despite having the time to ‘calm down’, the angry group showed the greatest increase in blood pressure, however there was no difference in heart rate between the groups.

So, what does this mean?

High blood pressure isn’t necessarily dangerous in the short term, but in the long term it can lead to hypertension that causes strokes and heart attacks.

The authors of the study believe that forgiveness can lower our reactivity to stressful events and even offer ‘sustained protection’ from the physicals effects of anger, worry and stress.

To help you forgive and forget (which isn’t always the easiest thing to do after a blazing row) we’ve compiled some top tips to help you get past that upsetting argument and back on track....

1. Get some perspective: That big fight you just had may seem like the be-all-and-end-all at the moment, but remind yourself that it’s just one moment in your life. In the grand scheme of things it’s just one ten minute glitch. Don’t let the event overwhelm you.

2. Learn a lesson: It takes two to Tango and usually when two people argue they both say hurtful things. Don’t consider yourself the only victim – try and find out how the argument started, its root cause and how you can prevent another similar scuffle in the future.

3. Let go of resentment: When you resent someone it will eventually start to eat away at you. Get your feelings off your chest; it may be tricky and embarrassing but it will be worth it in the long term.

4. Don’t retaliate: It’s easy when someone snaps at you to snap back, but that just perpetuates the problem. Don’t get sucked in – simply discuss the issues you’re having then revert straight back to normal as soon as possible. An atmosphere is a difficult thing to deal with.

5. Positive revenge: The best kind of revenge is to show the other person that you’re happy, healthy and enjoying your life. Show them that their hurtful words don’t impact your day-to-day existence. Prove that your confidence and self belief isn’t determined by their actions. You will feel empowered and they will learn that your relationship is not defined by the bad times.  

What do you think?